I met her almost six years ago.
She was such a bitch!
She walked out from the back room and looked around, like, alright, world, here I am! I expected her to hand me a list of demands for her upkeep or she would refuse the offer of staying at my home. She was beautiful and she knew it! She swaggered like she was walking down a runway in Paris wearing Versachi, not like someone receiving a reprieve from a homeless shelter. What a queen, what an attitude, what a bitch!
I loved her instantly.
So, she came to live with me.
People said, it would never last. People had no faith in her ability to share and not be the top dog, or the only dog, in the pack. People just shook their heads at me and said it was a mistake. Too much going on in my life to add taking care of Her Highness along with it, what was I thinking?
There were some difficulties, and not of her own making.
She swaggered, that much was true, but it was with a limp. An old injury that was never attended to, healed long before now, leaving her with the promise of early onset arthritis and a funny way of walking, with a little hop to it. I just thought that was cute, and let me tell you, it never slowed her down! I was challenged to keep the pace she would set for us during our walks and my hips are still firmly seated within their acetabulums!!
I think she copped her attitude of "being the only" in defense. Never knew what her life was like before me, she was left with the note that declared..."where I have to go, she cannot go, please take care of her"....and thats all, everything else was a guestimation. Except one thing, her name. She came with that. Sparkles. It fit her somehow. She came to be the sparkle of my life like the moon that sparkles on the pale blue waters of the ocean at midnight, that extra part of life that makes it that much more beautiful.
It came to pass that shortly after she came, very shortly, the center of my heart was crushed, leaving only the shell. Eddie died. And I could not think, I could not eat, I could not sleep, I could not focus on anything, I did not want to go on. The only reason I did was to care for her. She demanded no less. What was I thinking? Nothing except I had this life to protect. Who else would?
And so this dog who nobody else wanted and everyone told me not to rescue became my heart......the caring for her became my reason to get up in the morning, and go to bed at night, and not just sit and scream silently in the hours in between. She went everywhere with me. She rode in the front seat of my car, though, not in a crate in the back (are you kidding? she's a queen, a queen cannot possibly ride in a crate or in the back and she must be chauffered!). She barked at everyone who came near us. She was my fierce protectress. (I thought she was gonna really get us in trouble the night she charged across the console at the policewoman during the routine license check, but even then, she worked her own brand of magic, as the policewoman just smiled and said to me, Have a nice night.) She slept with me at night and when her hips bothered her so much that she could no longer jump up and down without pain, she slept on her own bed on the floor beside mine.
She never left my side.
Until the night that the same demon who had cut short the life of Eddie made itself known in her body and the cancer that clogged her trachea robbed her of the ability to breathe. I held her for as long as I could, trying to help her suck in that precious air, but I knew. And so in the final moments I told her how much I loved her and not to be afraid, that soon she would not only be able to breathe without strife, but she would be able to run and play without pain, like she did before the car crushed her hips. I told her as my sobs were just beginning and her breaths were just ending that I did the best I could for her. I told her that she owned my heart and always would. I kissed her head as my tears fell and sparkled on her fur until they evaporated into that place undimmed by human tears. I held her until at last her body was still and in peace.
I walked out and shut the door, as if I could shut out her leaving, but I couldn't. I still see her there every morning and every night, in the place that will forever be hers. And I still feel her in the place that she claimed the day I first met her, the day she walked out of a homeless shelter with such an attitude that I couldn't help but love her.
I still feel her in my heart.
Today, my Father God, a special soul journeys to You. She was the dog of my broken heart.
I send her to You from the pieces of the heart that she in her special way held together for a little while.
I send her back to You, to love for me, until I see her again.
I send her with such gratitude to You having let me have her for however short a time.
I send her away but not really, for I know I will see her every night, as she sparkles like the moon on pale blue waters.
I will see that moon....and I will think of her....and I will know that the moon sees me back....and I will smile.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
(I began this the night Sparkles died but I could not write it all until now, the hurt was too fresh. Still, I have written about each dog that has been part of my life when they have left me. And although I was not Sparkles breeder and I did not get her until she was eight years old, she was still a very special part of my life and deserves to have her story told. Rest well, Sparkles. Not a day goes by that I do not think of you and simultanously laugh and cry and think how you added so much to my life. What greater gift is there to give to another than that? XXXs and OOOs baby....if time is just the blink of an eye where you are then....I'll see you soon!)
